I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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