??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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