lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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