we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
