bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
