hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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