Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Someone shit on the floor
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
