Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That's how pantless uber rides happen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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