Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
