I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
