I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
