6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
