I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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