HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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