"it" just moved
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
