My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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