dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
