i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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