I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
