I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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