I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
