it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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