Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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