I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
