Plan B is the new Plan A
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
