Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
