david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
