I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
