If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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