I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize