Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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