i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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