fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Say something about gay babies.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
