my being single is dangerous.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
