Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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