the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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