This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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