Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
