how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
