Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
