I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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