It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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