come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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