I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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