I want to have your abortion
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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