I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
