I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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