matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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