Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
