the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
