So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
