Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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