just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
