Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
