Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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