some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
