i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
