its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
