HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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