he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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