her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
