I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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