This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
should my penis look like a turkey
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
