Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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